The letter

One of Des' pivotal arguements against me seems to be the contents of a letter I sent her in response to a few pesky snail mails she sent me. Since it's been the lack of anyone seeing this letter that seems to support Des' claims, I thought it would be best to provide it for everyone to see. You see before I sent the letter I thought Des would pull something like this, so I made sure to type it up before I mailed it. If Des wants to dispute the contents of the letter, let her scan the copy I sent her and post it up herself. Now, Des claims this letter was 'full of swears', which is interesting to me because there's a grand total of 3 times in which I use the word Hell.
Throughout the course of the letter, I say:


1: "Grow the hell up Rossana."

2: "But hell, since you're so insistent on being angry about this, here's a letter."

3: "If that's the case, and it's gotten you to such an extent that you assume the worst, then, the hell with you."


And I suppose if you're super sensitive and consider 'pissy' a swear, then here you go:
"Maybe if you'd included that instead of a snipe pissy letter then I could have called you- oh wait, I don't HAVE a phone line."

And there you have it, three curses...four if you consider 'pissy' a swear, oye... I would say that hardly constitues a letter FULL of swears in a sea of over 1500 words. But anywho, here's the letter:

Hello Des,

I recieved your letter and figured from the tone you're expecting a response that includes some kind of explanation as to why I haven't exactly made a huge effort to keep in touch with you. Well, I'll put it this way for the time being; my life, as of right now, sucks way too much for me to be concerned with anything/anyone that's not in my immediate sphere of living.
Guess that's not explaining too much though, so I'll elaborate. Hmm, what to get to first. First, I'll just respond to your letter. I'm sorry to hear about the problems you've found out about your back, it's horrible that there's nothing that can be done to alleviate the pain you're in, though I guess it's good that it will eventually end when the discs fuse. It's a rough way to have to heal, but hopefully the pain will be over once that happens.

(this is in response to one of the snail mails Rossana sent me that said simply "Be man enough to tell me you don't want to be friends.")
And "Be man enough to tell me you don't want to be friends."?
Grow the hell up Rossana.

Since you'd much rather assume I've written you off, maybe I should just let you think that and not bother giving you an explanation. Then you can think to yourself 'Well, I sure showed HIM, how dare he not email me or write or call.' Tell you what, I'll touch on why I haven't done any of those, just from a simple, most immediate reason first:

Email: you need a working internet connection to use email right? Guess what, I don't have one. My cable modem service ran out a long time ago, and when the time came for them the re-connect, the technician f'd up the program and screwed up my computer. Now it won't even THINK about connecting to the internet through the cable modem we've installed. On top of that, falling back on a dial up connection is a bust because my computer was built without a modem. Lucky me.

Phone: When the technician went to hook up the cable, he had to climb the phone line to do it- and promptly knocked out my phone line. Lemme tell you, Getting Verizon to come out and fix the problem is as much a pain as getting the landlord to look at the jacks in my house. Not pleasant. So- no phone line. Not like I have your current number anyway. Maybe if you'd included that instead of a snipe pissy letter then I could have called you- oh wait, I don't HAVE a phone line. Oh yes, maybe it's Chris' number in my email account- oh wait, I don't have an INTERNET connection! See the recurring problems Rossana? Ah well, last time we spoke the only thing that kept me from ending the conversation REAL quick was you putting me on with Chris, who, at the time I enjoyed talking to a lot more than yourself.

Written: This was what I was thinking when I got your last letter, though at the time I figured my cable modem or phone line would be working. But hell, since you're so insistent on being angry about this, here's a letter. Hope you feel better. I have to laugh though, after I got your first letter I wondered if I'd get an angrier letter from you if I didn't respond right away, post haste, chop chop! Looks like I was right.

Now, why haven't I been in touch? In all honesty I haven't had much inclination to bother. Funny, you wrote in your letter that you didn't close the door on our friendship but you certainly gave it a pretty heavy push when you decided to make such a horribly huge deal over Kaiju Wars- an online message board I told you time and time again that I was going to shut down. So we fought about it, and I explained why I removed your position as admin, and I explained again, and again, and again. And yet, even after asking you repeatedly whether or not there was anything else you wanted to discuss in regards to it, you said 'no.' Then you fume over it until you decide to come after me again about it.

Did you know about the deaths in my family starting again? Oh yes, the reaper's been pretty busy this year, two aunts, two uncles and a cousin all within about three weeks to a month of one another. The day before our last conversation I found out my sister had been in the hospital and her heart stopped for a good ten to twenty seconds before they could revive her. Needless to say the last thing I wanted to talk to you about the following day was a stupid ez-board, but that was all you were concerned with when you called, so to make you happy I just agreed to give you what you wanted even though it really ticked me off that you went and wasted money on a board I told you repeatedly I was going to shut down and erase. Then, as soon as I give you your position back you go and ban one of the members without even bothering to confer with me first. I really began to wonder about exactly where our friendship stood- and whether it was worth keeping.

I'll tell you a bit about what's been going on with me. Aside from even more of my extended family dying off, my immediate family hasn't exactly been fairing all that well either. My mother was recently hospitalized because of problems with her kidneys again. Seeing as how her mother died from kidney failure, I've been freaking out about it. My dad's been in and out of the hospital more than usual because all the medication the doctors keep prescribing for his thyroid, blood pressure, etc. are starting to conflict with each other. I already told you about my sister's incident in the hospital with her heart. Myself, well, I don't get sick, however, for whatever reason last week I almost collapsed on the job because my head was pounding so hard I started to get a pretty bad nosebleed and couldn't form a coherent sentence in my head; all I could think about was what was going on with my family. I lost my peripheral vision, and about halfway home I pretty much blacked out. I honestly couldn't tell you how I got home. I left work around 1pm and only remember waking up in bed around 8pm or so.

I'm sick of telling myself I'm the bad guy in this situation considering I'm not. I guess I'm so used to lambasting myself for everything I feel goes wrong in my life it's easier for me to draw the blame onto myself and just deal with it instead of tossing it at others even when its deserved. Honestly I'm not sure what I want to say to you, if anything Des. Maybe you've decided you're ready to talk, I'm not sure if I am or even want to now. You're one of the last people I thought would be so concerned over something as stupid as an online message board and it really pisses me off that you were.

You've claimed the discussion was closed when it wasn't, then tell me I'm too controlling and you couldn't work with me, THEN decide to have the last word on the subject by saying you don't want to talk about it anymore, only to re-open it later. So convince me Des, tell me what's worth keeping when something this trivial makes you test the limits of my patience and the friendship itself?

Funny, reading your last letter and note reminds me of why Mike and I are such good friends. I speak to him maybe two or three times a year since highschool and yet neither of us assumes one has written the other off or doesn't want to be friends. It just doesn't happen. Not once has he ever assumed I've just decided to stop being his friend, we simply understand that life doesn't allow us to chat to each other ALL the friggin time. Maybe if you'd stop being a selfish little girl you'd see that as well. This whole thing seems to be about you. I haven't gotten in touch with YOU. YOU don't understand why I haven't contacted YOU. God forbid something in MY life craps out, you'd much rather send me little notes about how I'm not man enough to talk to YOU. Why DO you assume so much? And heck, even if I DIDN'T want anything to do with you, do you really think sending me notes in the mail would goad me into responding? I guess reading this letter you'll presume that it did, but heck, if I really had no intention of getting in touch with you I wouldn't be writing at all, would I? I'd be laughing at your letter and note and tacking them to a board that says 'Rossana's hate mail'. Not my style, not what I do, though in this case I'm very, very tempted.

I don't suppose we were ever at the Me and Mike point though, since you seem to want constant attention and am now obviously REALLY fuming over the lack of contact. Egads, has this really been eating at you that much? If that's the case, and it's gotten you to such an extent that you assume the worst, then, the hell with you. I'm sure I've told you this before and I'll say it again; I don't need anyone. I never have, I never will. If you want to make assumptions and accusations, then I don't need you either. You know I have no problem writing people off, and though I hadn't done it in your case, you seem to think I have. Who am I to argue?

Tom


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